erikas_ed3

Writer's Block: In a Jam

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 16:40:20 GMT

If you were in trouble or ran afoul of the law, which fictional detective or investigator—from tv, movies, or books—would you want to help you?

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BILLY FLYNN FROM CHICAGOOOO Duhhh

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 19:05:46 GMT

1. Do you like blue cheese? In salads...like once a year
2. Have you ever been drunk? Yes- But I've never thrown up from it =]
3. Do you own a gun? Not yet...But living here ya need one
4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite? Cherry...
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Depends what it's for..
6. What do you think of hot dogs? They are the worst things possible.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? The Cartoon Grinch
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Hot Cocoa or Orange Juice
9. Can you do push ups? Yes, but I'm not sure how many lol
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? MY ENGAGEMENT RING!! =] (I hate all other forms)
11. Favorite hobby? Listening to 1960's music, lighting a J, and having day.
12. Do you have A.D.D.? I might.
13. What's your favorite shoe? Flip-Flops.. but they need to have some thickness to make me taller =]
14. Middle name? Ann
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? Why a random guy came to our door, If the rains going to stop so I can walk with Brian, and how Brian needs to call the insurance company. Yeah..boringg
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, hot chocolate, orange juice.
17. Current worry? My Phlebotomy Class..
18. Current hate right now? I hate that there are still bugs around in the winter here.
Where is 19?
20. How did you bring in the New Year? I went to the Carter House Inn with my love, and were there for three hours! Then went back to our place, baked a cake and fell asleep at 11:30pm. ha.
21. Where would you like to go? To Oregon or Washington!
22. What is your favorite state and why? I love Colorado because it's known as "The state closest to heaven".. and it's just gorgeous.
23. Do you own slippers? Yes, but my toe sticks out of one..And I just got them for Christmas. Boo.
24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? Ha.. I'm wearing a purple slip with a long black sweater. I'm being a bum.
25. Do you like sleeping on Satin sheets? All the way. With a goose feather comforter =]
26. Can you whistle? *testing* yes.
27. Favorite color? Purple... Like plum.
28. Would you be a pirate? Oh hells yes.
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? bahaha Oh this is when I annoy brian..I sing everything possible.
30. Favorite Girl's Name? Olivia
31. Favorite boy's name? Brian <3
32. What is your favorite restaurant? The Boulder Cork in Boulder, CO.
33. Last thing that made you laugh? When that weird guy was at my door, he said, "I like your home incense" I just lost it.
34. Best bed sheets as a child? What? I guess the comfortable flannel sheets in my room at my dads house.
35. Worst injury you've ever had as a child? When I was like... 6 or 7 months I fell down concrete stairs in my walker and had to go to the emergency room.
36. Do you love where you live? YES! Now I do... it rocks so much more than Connecticut.
37. Where do you want to live someday? Colorado or Vermont. =]
38. Who is your loudest friend? My boyfriend..
39. How many dogs do you have? None! But I want one!!
40. What is your favorite workout? Turbo Jam
41. What is your favorite book? Hmm.. Probably Wasted by Marya Hornbacher.. Mostly for her writing style.
42. What is your favorite candy? Gummy Bears, Chocolate =]
43. Favorite Sports Team? I don't follow sports..
44. What song do you want played at your funeral? Some Beatles song probably.

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:01:24 GMT

I was just sitting here, pondering about how I can't wait to get to my third goal weight of 100 pounds.
But then it just occurred to me that everyone knows about my eating disorder.
So if I go, "I lost another ten pounds!!"--- Who would be proud?
"I weigh 100 pounds, mom! Hey dad!! I weigh 100 pounds! Bff--I weigh 100 pounds! Aren't you happy for me?"
But then I think to myself, "Okay, but people will notice i'm even thinner. They'll scoff at how thin and sickly I am. They'll be concerned."

Does anyone else feel this way? If your not thin, people won't see your mind- if your thin they'll wonder what your thinking beneath the dark circles surrounding your eyes- why your so absent from yourself- why your so focused and withdrawn. If your plump, they'll just see a normal you. Like everything's normal and you have no problems in life- like they'll never even consider your suffering deep inside. I feel like if I'm "fat", I would feel like I am being covered up- like no one would ever listen to me.

sigh

I'm also afraid that by the time I reach my only rational (to myself) goal weight of 100 pounds or below, my heart won't be able to keep up. It already had enough problems when I entered Recovery at the hospital, along with my breathing rate and blood pressure.

But why do I think its the only way I'll find happiness??
I know all these answers. I could help another girl overcome her eating disorder, but I can't seem to ever follow my own advice.

support <3

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 20:10:47 GMT

http://community.livejournal.com/proanorexia/78469923.html

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 04:17:28 GMT

Today:

B- 1/2 cup strawberries an blueberries
      1 bite of a LUNA bar- ew again
      Couple peanuts for iron

L- 2 Quorn Meatless Chicken Nuggests (50 cals)
     1 slice toast (60 cals)

S- 1 package Peanut Butter Crackers (Shouldn't of but i was feeling better from my headache and nausea and wanted to binge)

D- same as lunch uhg

Soooo horrible day since I got no exersize in. My fucking period. Headache, nausea, bloating. 124 lbs. Should be 120. Hopefully tomorrow im feeling better and will use some hoodia.

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 14:31:32 GMT

Woke up this morning
Lost 1.2 lbs since yesturday. Im just happy its a loss and not a gain.

Decided im going to continue the hoodia- but like- instead of six a day (recommended)...Im going to take TWO....because i already work out enough- i just slip up when i smoke on rare occasion and want a hoodia. Plus, with fucking fasting, metabolism slows down =[...

breakfast: three strawberries
few blueberries
1 bite of LUNA bar

Fri, 07 Mar 2008 04:25:01 GMT

Okay- so- tired....my day was a little hectic.

Exersize:

35 minutes of Turbo Jam....Anyone know how many cals that'd be?
20 minutes of Tae Bo...
10 harsh minutes of trying to prove something to my family by bringing their dusty exersize bike up the basement stairs so they can start working out. I was pissed at them and their innability to properly communicate and it drove me nuts.

Anyway- I had this great physical energy after working out w/ my friend. The bike was heavier then anything i've ever lifted, however. But, my "perfect" wanna proove to them self HAD to get that bike up the stairs before they got home. (They told me not to do it alone)...But I did anyways...because for some reason i love prooving my family wrong- since they're so negative about everythinggg.

HAlfway up the stairs i thought i was going to have a heartattack. I couldnt catch my breath and I was shaking like MAD. Oh yeah, I also took

THREE HOODIAS..on the first daY... Wrong idea.

Anxiety...Speed....I couldnt breath. It was an awful experience. I was shaking for five hours. It was like taking my adderall for the first time. Ew.

Food:

1 peanut butter LUNA health bar- (Breakfast forced down for energy...it was kinda greesy feelin-uhk health barsss (150 cals)
2. 2 QUORN chicken nuggets (60 cals?)
3.1 slice toast w/ Peanut Butter.... Only eaten due to the fact that i smoked. Before I smoked- bread looked like a gigantic piece of white lard =[

And I wish didnt look in the fridge and say, "Ew"..and look in the mirror and see someone that is fat, but starving at the same time.... I mean..what am I going to do someday when I have kids and need to show them a good example?? Uhk. I dont think im goin to have kids for the sake that i think this is genetic. (On my part). Uhggg stupid geneesss.

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 23:40:00 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_Ut3Zik67U&eurl=http://lj-toys.com/?journalid=92327&moduleid=346&auth_token=sessionless:1204412400:embedcontent:92327%2634

awesome awesome

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 02:43:35 GMT

Today: 2/27?/08

B- blueberry breakfast bar
M- Few Multi-grain pita chips
L- pizza =[
D- piece of banana cake, 1 organic, vegan, blueberry waffle.

AHH ok

whatever

Going to the gym tomorrow, then working out with my bff cassie. (workout vid) =]

okay. kush. yep =]

Awesome Thinspo

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 14:55:19 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAd7ZsdW_yE

goin to the gym...

drinkin detox tea...

fun fun stuff =]

Mon, 25 Feb 2008 16:48:32 GMT

DIET for the week:

2/25-

B- 1 banana
     2 cadbury eggs (whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy)
     fruit "off the hip" smoothie from the gym

L- Piece of toast w/PB(wheat toast)

D- 1 slice white pizza w/tomatoes,mushrooms, garlic

Total for today: 800 calories
Workout: 30 min. tredmil
                     5 min. weights
                     rollerblading
Probably burnt 300 calories altogether..perhaps 400.

eh....its a start. gotta stop smoking weed in the morninggggg

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 14:55:18 GMT

Today:

Breakfast: 1 small orange
                    green tea

Lunch: fruit
             tea
Dinner: fruit
               tea

fuck yeah thats an awesome day.

Don't listen to a word you've heard

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 20:07:19 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P164GAyl4rE&eurl=http://lj-toys.com/?journalid=92327&moduleid=312&auth_token=sessionless:1203278400:embedcontent:92327%2631

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 14:00:42 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aia-kwk2L8&feature=related

"Hold on to this kite"

Just dont let me down...

better

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 19:25:29 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0buyfNNVw3I&feature=related

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 12:03:24 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gmF7PC0JOM&feature=related

Best little girl

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 00:27:03 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cebwzp5x-TQ&feature=related

Breath Today by Flyleaf

Sat, 12 Jan 2008 00:25:17 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmjPzZ4UP84&feature=related

Pain with Music by Avril, "Take me Away"

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 23:57:38 GMT

I'm thinking about starting modeling again to make some extra money. I mean doing commercials like I had come close to in the past, then school got in the way. I just need to lose about 10 more pounds to start.

Today:

1 bagel with PB- 300 calories.

Nothing more.

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 23:54:46 GMT

I am officially unable to eat without weed. EVen when I smoke it, its hard to stomach. Its pretty much nauseating. Eveytime I know I'm going to eat, I start to shake and feel like crying. My grandma and aunt went out to wendy's and got me a salad yesturday and I had to sit down and eat it with them. I was soo nervous, because Now my whole family knows about my history with bulimia and anorexia, and how i still need help. shit.

I got straight F's this first semester of college. I had to tell them or else I would have had to pay for college, my car plus insurance, and my apartment, with no help. They thought I failed because im STUPID. They got confused and worried, this perfect little straight A girl got F's!! ???

I had no choice.

So now, I need to pretend even more. However, my family doesnt understand anything about eating disorders. Or think mine is that bad, since im EDNOS at the moment.

UHG. I want my boyfriend to get home now! So i can smoke. I dont want to eat, I just want my empty stomach to stop hurting. I'm moving to Rhode Island and getting a medical card along with 12 amazing green plants.

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 15:46:35 GMT

YAY

This morning i looked at the scale...and i've lost 12 pounds since the 10th!!

All my bones stick out amazingly, and i feel like a feather. Its awesome. Nothing in my system- nothing ever in my system.

I feel amazing.

1-Past goals
2-almost dead
3-perfection

=]

Yesturday

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 14:46:46 GMT

Didn't eat all day because i didnt have weed. When I smoke weed, I dont get the "Munchies", I get the "okay, you can stomach some food now to save your metabolism"

So, around 6:30 finally I got some green, smoked, and felt better. I was still not too hungry, but i ended up eating a bit of chinese, which I dint feel too bad about, because my total colorie intake would be about 350, 400?

What I ate:

1/3 egg roll
probably a cup or 3/4 cup of chicken lo-mein.
1 fortune cookie

So, I wake up this morning, and my scale says im 1.5 pounds heavier. WTF? Well, the chinese is probably still in my system. I don't throw up, and I dont purge using laxatives as much anymore from what happened to me in the past with abusing them.

But i'll drink tons and tons of water today and try to rid it...weight myself 10000 times today like normal. I never want my boyfriend to hear me step on the scale, so I close the door and turn the water on high. I'm such a freak.

Today:

It will snow!! About 4 inches they predict... so my boyfriend and I are going to get our skis and do some cross country skiing with it in the big fields near his old house. Such a fucking workout!!! Can't wait!!

Angelina Jolie Thinspo

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 17:32:05 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfKsVaqTqrs&feature=related

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 19:42:22 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r63pmp6Tj3M&feature=related

Good thinspo.

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 18:20:48 GMT

Today:
(So far)

1 mini bagel w/all natural PB- 200 calories.
Rasberry sherbert- 100 calories.
Few Bites of an apple- 20 calories.

What for dinner? Idk.. Maybe i'll get a healthy salad w/o dressing, or go to panera and get French onion soup with a fruit cup. who knows. Something small and fat-less.

I'm going to go and smoke now.

My aunt is trying to lose weight, or else she could be diagnosed with heart disease. SO im going to send her some cool thinspo... heehee =]

-me