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April 2nd, 2009
09:40 am - Writer's Block: In a Jam
BILLY FLYNN FROM CHICAGOOOO Duhhh
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February 11th, 2009
11:05 am
1. Do you like blue cheese? In salads...like once a year
2. Have you ever been drunk? Yes- But I've never thrown up from it =]
3. Do you own a gun? Not yet...But living here ya need one
4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite? Cherry...
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Depends what it's for..
6. What do you think of hot dogs? They are the worst things possible.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? The Cartoon Grinch
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Hot Cocoa or Orange Juice
9. Can you do push ups? Yes, but I'm not sure how many lol
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? MY ENGAGEMENT RING!! =] (I hate all other forms)
11. Favorite hobby? Listening to 1960's music, lighting a J, and having day.
12. Do you have A.D.D.? I might.
13. What's your favorite shoe? Flip-Flops.. but they need to have some thickness to make me taller =]
14. Middle name? Ann
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? Why a random guy came to our door, If the rains going to stop so I can walk with Brian, and how Brian needs to call the insurance company. Yeah..boringg
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, hot chocolate, orange juice.
17. Current worry? My Phlebotomy Class..
18. Current hate right now? I hate that there are still bugs around in the winter here.
Where is 19?
20. How did you bring in the New Year? I went to the Carter House Inn with my love, and were there for three hours! Then went back to our place, baked a cake and fell asleep at 11:30pm. ha.
21. Where would you like to go? To Oregon or Washington!
22. What is your favorite state and why? I love Colorado because it's known as "The state closest to heaven".. and it's just gorgeous.
23. Do you own slippers? Yes, but my toe sticks out of one..And I just got them for Christmas. Boo.
24. What color shirt are you wearing right now? Ha.. I'm wearing a purple slip with a long black sweater. I'm being a bum.
25. Do you like sleeping on Satin sheets? All the way. With a goose feather comforter =]
26. Can you whistle? *testing* yes.
27. Favorite color? Purple... Like plum.
28. Would you be a pirate? Oh hells yes.
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? bahaha Oh this is when I annoy brian..I sing everything possible.
30. Favorite Girl's Name? Olivia
31. Favorite boy's name? Brian <3
32. What is your favorite restaurant? The Boulder Cork in Boulder, CO.
33. Last thing that made you laugh? When that weird guy was at my door, he said, "I like your home incense" I just lost it.
34. Best bed sheets as a child? What? I guess the comfortable flannel sheets in my room at my dads house.
35. Worst injury you've ever had as a child? When I was like... 6 or 7 months I fell down concrete stairs in my walker and had to go to the emergency room.
36. Do you love where you live? YES! Now I do... it rocks so much more than Connecticut.
37. Where do you want to live someday? Colorado or Vermont. =]
38. Who is your loudest friend? My boyfriend..
39. How many dogs do you have? None! But I want one!!
40. What is your favorite workout? Turbo Jam
41. What is your favorite book? Hmm.. Probably Wasted by Marya Hornbacher.. Mostly for her writing style.
42. What is your favorite candy? Gummy Bears, Chocolate =]
43. Favorite Sports Team? I don't follow sports..
44. What song do you want played at your funeral? Some Beatles song probably.
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July 9th, 2008
08:01 am
I was just sitting here, pondering about how I can't wait to get to my third goal weight of 100 pounds.
But then it just occurred to me that everyone knows about my eating disorder.
So if I go, "I lost another ten pounds!!"--- Who would be proud?
"I weigh 100 pounds, mom! Hey dad!! I weigh 100 pounds! Bff--I weigh 100 pounds! Aren't you happy for me?"
But then I think to myself, "Okay, but people will notice i'm even thinner. They'll scoff at how thin and sickly I am. They'll be concerned."
Does anyone else feel this way? If your not thin, people won't see your mind- if your thin they'll wonder what your thinking beneath the dark circles surrounding your eyes- why your so absent from yourself- why your so focused and withdrawn. If your plump, they'll just see a normal you. Like everything's normal and you have no problems in life- like they'll never even consider your suffering deep inside. I feel like if I'm "fat", I would feel like I am being covered up- like no one would ever listen to me.
sigh
I'm also afraid that by the time I reach my only rational (to myself) goal weight of 100 pounds or below, my heart won't be able to keep up. It already had enough problems when I entered Recovery at the hospital, along with my breathing rate and blood pressure.
But why do I think its the only way I'll find happiness??
I know all these answers. I could help another girl overcome her eating disorder, but I can't seem to ever follow my own advice.
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April 18th, 2008
March 7th, 2008
10:12 pm
Today:
B- 1/2 cup strawberries an blueberries
1 bite of a LUNA bar- ew again
Couple peanuts for iron
L- 2 Quorn Meatless Chicken Nuggests (50 cals)
1 slice toast (60 cals)
S- 1 package Peanut Butter Crackers (Shouldn't of but i was feeling better from my headache and nausea and wanted to binge)
D- same as lunch uhg
Soooo horrible day since I got no exersize in. My fucking period. Headache, nausea, bloating. 124 lbs. Should be 120. Hopefully tomorrow im feeling better and will use some hoodia.
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08:31 am
Woke up this morning
Lost 1.2 lbs since yesturday. Im just happy its a loss and not a gain.
Decided im going to continue the hoodia- but like- instead of six a day (recommended)...Im going to take TWO....because i already work out enough- i just slip up when i smoke on rare occasion and want a hoodia. Plus, with fucking fasting, metabolism slows down =[...
breakfast: three strawberries
few blueberries
1 bite of LUNA bar
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March 6th, 2008
10:23 pm
Okay- so- tired....my day was a little hectic.
Exersize:
Food:
And I wish didnt look in the fridge and say, "Ew"..and look in the mirror and see someone that is fat, but starving at the same time.... I mean..what am I going to do someday when I have kids and need to show them a good example?? Uhk. I dont think im goin to have kids for the sake that i think this is genetic. (On my part). Uhggg stupid geneesss.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankawake.gif) awake
Current Music: Spyro in the backround
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March 1st, 2008
February 27th, 2008
08:39 pm
Today: 2/27?/08
B- blueberry breakfast bar
M- Few Multi-grain pita chips
L- pizza =[
D- piece of banana cake, 1 organic, vegan, blueberry waffle.
AHH ok
whatever
Going to the gym tomorrow, then working out with my bff cassie. (workout vid) =]
okay. kush. yep =]
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February 26th, 2008
08:55 am - Awesome Thinspo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAd7ZsdW_yE
goin to the gym...
drinkin detox tea...
fun fun stuff =]
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February 25th, 2008
10:42 am
DIET for the week:
2/25-
B- 1 banana
2 cadbury eggs (whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy)
fruit "off the hip" smoothie from the gym
L- Piece of toast w/PB(wheat toast)
D- 1 slice white pizza w/tomatoes,mushrooms, garlic
Total for today: 800 calories
Workout: 30 min. tredmil
5 min. weights
rollerblading
Probably burnt 300 calories altogether..perhaps 400.
eh....its a start. gotta stop smoking weed in the morninggggg
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankhappy.gif) hopeful
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February 18th, 2008
09:53 am
Today:
Breakfast: 1 small orange
green tea
Lunch: fruit
tea
Dinner: fruit
tea
fuck yeah thats an awesome day.
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February 17th, 2008
February 6th, 2008
February 4th, 2008
January 13th, 2008
January 11th, 2008
06:57 pm
I'm thinking about starting modeling again to make some extra money. I mean doing commercials like I had come close to in the past, then school got in the way. I just need to lose about 10 more pounds to start.
Today:
1 bagel with PB- 300 calories.
Nothing more.
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06:54 pm
I am officially unable to eat without weed. EVen when I smoke it, its hard to stomach. Its pretty much nauseating. Eveytime I know I'm going to eat, I start to shake and feel like crying. My grandma and aunt went out to wendy's and got me a salad yesturday and I had to sit down and eat it with them. I was soo nervous, because Now my whole family knows about my history with bulimia and anorexia, and how i still need help. shit.
I got straight F's this first semester of college. I had to tell them or else I would have had to pay for college, my car plus insurance, and my apartment, with no help. They thought I failed because im STUPID. They got confused and worried, this perfect little straight A girl got F's!! ???
I had no choice.
So now, I need to pretend even more. However, my family doesnt understand anything about eating disorders. Or think mine is that bad, since im EDNOS at the moment.
UHG. I want my boyfriend to get home now! So i can smoke. I dont want to eat, I just want my empty stomach to stop hurting. I'm moving to Rhode Island and getting a medical card along with 12 amazing green plants.
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